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Chapter Two: Assorted Items It is my firm belief, or at least my vague theory, that there is a Fifth Law of Thermodynamics. I say this because the jury is still out on the Fourth Law, and it would be downright arrogant of me to lay claim to it. Anyhoo, this Fifth Law, simply put, states that eventually all things will become action figures. Now although I cannot yet prove this mathematically, I am finding much empirical evidence to support it. The recent Toy Fair in NYC showed the effects of this Law slowly encroaching on us. Even a cursory visit to Action Figure Times, Raving Toy Maniac, and Figures.Com will show figures based on just about every comic book, movie, rock band, pop culture icon, and anyone recognizable enough to render in molded plastic. Eventually (according to my theory) this will happen to all of us. There will be a Fifth Law equivalent to the Heat Death of the Universe, a point when all beings and things will encounter their action figure. That of course is when the universe will collapse and be replaced by The Universe Playset. I still have a lot of little details to calculate, such as whether these figures will be of a fixed temperature or density, or if a cosmos composed entirely of polystyrene could exist, but I am working on it. It's concert season again. I am a live music junkie, and this looks to be the third year in a row that I break my personal record for shows attended. So far this in 2002 I've seen Mission of Burma, Suzanne Vega, Blue Oyster Cult, Mistle Thrush, Voltaire, Jaye Foucher, and Rollins Band. Coming Soon are shows by The Flower Kings, California Guitar Trio, Motorhead, Bad Religion, The Tony Levin band, Dream Theater, Dick Dale, The Damned, Laurie Anderson, Hypnotic Clambake and Steve Hackett. And that doesn't even cover a Goth Fest, a Prog Fest, an Experimental Music Fest, and a Polka Fest. There is some justice in the design of the existence when a person with such bizarre and eclectic tastes as myself can be overwhelmed by the volume of good music being produced. While the record industry spins its wheels in the shitty product they peddle, there are dozens of incredible bands out touring in the trenches. Go see some. There has been a noticeable decrease in the flood of horrible email that I discussed last time. The few ones I still get tend to be of the pro-American propaganda flavor: bits of angry flotsam sent to make sure that we as a country "never forget." I find this really funny, but then again I am churlish, given to dark humors, and often considered evil. When people called the attacks the "Death of Irony" I think this may be what they meant. Personally, I find repeating the command "never forget" in order to keep the wound fresh is rather morbid. Perhaps it acts as a mantra for people to mumble as a distraction from the fact that there are a whole lot of issues being forgotten or ignored right about now. Instead of examining the philosophies, events and motivations that instigated our current situation, the mainstream has turned itself into an irritating support group that occasionally screams for blood, shouting about the virtues of honor and integrity while remaining suspiciously free of both. If that isn't the ultimate irony, it must be close. I am aware that being unpatriotic is now on par with child molestation as a social crime, but I have tried very hard to hardwire my values and beliefs into my everyday life. Do not get me wrong, I support the U.S. It is, in principle, superior to all other countries. It disproved the validity of royalty as a moral system of government. It has allowed individuals to be free and act according to their will. It created an environment that brought greater prosperity, longer lifespans, and more leisure time with each generation. Things only really got twisted when the two-party system put the electoral college in a headlock. I agree with Robert Heinlein that "Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal and coordinate." Unfortunately our current crop of idiots in office have all of the former and none of the latter. If after reading this far you sense a burgeoning suspicion that you will not like where this is going, I apologize in advance. This is my nature. I have a deep-rooted obligation to remind you of a couple of unhappy little realities that have fallen from view. The U.S. trained, armed, and financed terrorists as a Cold War tactic, then turned a blind eye towards their murderous actions against other targets. After the first World Trade bombing, the threats surrounding Y2K, the WTO riots, and each of the dozens of unanswered violent actions taken against Western society in my lifetime, you cannot convince me that the government was not expecting an attack of this magnitude. The spokespeople of many terrorist groups had said on a daily basis for the last decade that they would attack the U.S. and do their best to destroy modern secular society. The Government effectively ignored all of this, then had the nigh-disgraceful gall to claim the attacks as the modern age's "defining moment." To even suggest that an age and a society could be "defined" by a brutal catastrophe perpetrated against it is appalling. This arrogant sense of bloated patriotism is perhaps the greatest injustice this Government has ever put on public display before, because it is based on collective victimhood. You are not defined by the worst beating you ever took, and it should certainly not define a nation of laws and rights. The Government also knew that they could benefit from the attack, as crises always look good on a government's resume. It was an ideal opportunity to prove to the citizenry that it was still relevant. The sheer number of shallow memes whipped up and introduced into the culture was staggering. Every Congressman near a microphone did his or her best to stoke the American-pride backlash and orchestrate the communal outrage, bundling with it a glut of "traditional" viewpoints and disseminating the whole mouthful through every outlet available. One could not turn on the TV without some Federal employee popping up and bleating the saber-rattling party line, full of abstract anger and frustration but devoid of any substantive facts about what led to the events. This vague-but-adamant esprit de corps went up like a sociological skyscraper. To sell it better the Government tapped into its own "sleeping giant" adage from 50 years ago and gave it new life because they know that consumers cope better with familiarity. Our leaders were ready to be our beacon in the darkness. If you need further proof, please remember that the Department of Health and Human Services allocated money to tell people that repeated viewing of the crash footage could cause depression, the Department of Labor aired public service announcements reminding people that returning to work was the best way to fight terrorism, and the Pledge of Allegiance became mandatory in most public schools (although they do not teach who wrote it, its history, its several revisions, etc. Kids don't need such clutter in their minds, just say the damned words!). Six months later the events have become almost mythical. The attacks are spoken of as if they were some divinely-ordained mystery that we will never fully comprehend. One can see evidence every day of the future zeitgeist forming around us: America will portray itself as a bloodied-but- unbowed tragic figure, forever bearing the wound of the attack. This is a much easier pill to swallow than the truth, which is the all-too-sobering fact that devout followers of an ignorant, unenlightened belief system with a grudge against the modern world were able to get one past us due to sloppiness. The giant was not asleep, he was passed out on the couch in a drunken stupor with his dick in his hand, waking up only to watch Springer and sports. Think about it: the events of September 11 could have been prevented by four people with cans of mace. I will be patriotic when the government does its job. I will wave a flag when the emminently-achievable goal of obliterating the threat of terrorism is carried out. I will recite the Pledge of Allegiance when and the psychotic philosophy behind the mindless hatred of modern society, one mollycoddled and espoused by the state-funded academia that controls American universities, is dragged into the light and vivisected. In closing, here are a few things I will "never forget:" That in the shadow of our darkest hour, the Government spent American tax money to convince us that casual drug use breeds terrorism. That it took less than six months for the issue of individual freedom and responsibility to be relegated to a four-minute debate in the second hour of the Today Show. That the verbal and legal assault on atheists, let alone other non- Christians, continues unabated, and is sanctioned by a growing number of states. That more people die every month because potentially life-saving drugs are held up in the bureaucratic backlog of the FDA than were killed in the attacks. That it is accepted wisdom among academics that the U.S. defending its interests with military force is equivalent to a hate crime, and that this is taught to university students as truth. That the attacks managed to prove beyond a doubt that the mainstream of this country is incapable of getting up from a punch and finishing a fight without first crying, sharing their pain, blaming everything (except the cause) for their problems, holding hands, crying some more, lighting far too many candles, and listening to more country music than any sentient race should be forced to endure. J. |
Other Views on the Aftermath: |
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Observations at a Distance |
Other Views on the Aftermath: |
Chapter Two: Assorted Items It is my firm belief, or at least my vague theory, that there is a Fifth Law of Thermodynamics. I say this because the jury is still out on the Fourth Law, and it would be downright arrogant of me to lay claim to it. Anyhoo, this Fifth Law, simply put, states that eventually all things will become action figures. Now although I cannot yet prove this mathematically, I am finding much empirical evidence to support it. The recent Toy Fair in NYC showed the effects of this Law slowly encroaching on us. Even a cursory visit to Action Figure Times, Raving Toy Maniac, and Figures.Com will show figures based on just about every comic book, movie, rock band, pop culture icon, and anyone recognizable enough to render in molded plastic. Eventually (according to my theory) this will happen to all of us. There will be a Fifth Law equivalent to the Heat Death of the Universe, a point when all beings and things will encounter their action figure. That of course is when the universe will collapse and be replaced by The Universe Playset. I still have a lot of little details to calculate, such as whether these figures will be of a fixed temperature or density, or if a cosmos composed entirely of polystyrene could exist, but I am working on it. It's concert season again. I am a live music junkie, and this looks to be the third year in a row that I break my personal record for shows attended. So far this in 2002 I've seen Mission of Burma, Suzanne Vega, Blue Oyster Cult, Mistle Thrush, Voltaire, Jaye Foucher, and Rollins Band. Coming Soon are shows by The Flower Kings, California Guitar Trio, Motorhead, Bad Religion, The Tony Levin band, Dream Theater, Dick Dale, The Damned, Laurie Anderson, Hypnotic Clambake and Steve Hackett. And that doesn't even cover a Goth Fest, a Prog Fest, an Experimental Music Fest, and a Polka Fest. There is some justice in the design of the existence when a person with such bizarre and eclectic tastes as myself can be overwhelmed by the volume of good music being produced. While the record industry spins its wheels in the shitty product they peddle, there are dozens of incredible bands out touring in the trenches. Go see some. There has been a noticeable decrease in the flood of horrible email that I discussed last time. The few ones I still get tend to be of the pro-American propaganda flavor: bits of angry flotsam sent to make sure that we as a country "never forget." I find this really funny, but then again I am churlish, given to dark humors, and often considered evil. When people called the attacks the "Death of Irony" I think this may be what they meant. Personally, I find repeating the command "never forget" in order to keep the wound fresh is rather morbid. Perhaps it acts as a mantra for people to mumble as a distraction from the fact that there are a whole lot of issues being forgotten or ignored right about now. Instead of examining the philosophies, events and motivations that instigated our current situation, the mainstream has turned itself into an irritating support group that occasionally screams for blood, shouting about the virtues of honor and integrity while remaining suspiciously free of both. If that isn't the ultimate irony, it must be close. I am aware that being unpatriotic is now on par with child molestation as a social crime, but I have tried very hard to hardwire my values and beliefs into my everyday life. Do not get me wrong, I support the U.S. It is, in principle, superior to all other countries. It disproved the validity of royalty as a moral system of government. It has allowed individuals to be free and act according to their will. It created an environment that brought greater prosperity, longer lifespans, and more leisure time with each generation. Things only really got twisted when the two-party system put the electoral college in a headlock. I agree with Robert Heinlein that "Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal and coordinate." Unfortunately our current crop of idiots in office have all of the former and none of the latter. If after reading this far you sense a burgeoning suspicion that you will not like where this is going, I apologize in advance. This is my nature. I have a deep-rooted obligation to remind you of a couple of unhappy little realities that have fallen from view. The U.S. trained, armed, and financed terrorists as a Cold War tactic, then turned a blind eye towards their murderous actions against other targets. After the first World Trade bombing, the threats surrounding Y2K, the WTO riots, and each of the dozens of unanswered violent actions taken against Western society in my lifetime, you cannot convince me that the government was not expecting an attack of this magnitude. The spokespeople of many terrorist groups had said on a daily basis for the last decade that they would attack the U.S. and do their best to destroy modern secular society. The Government effectively ignored all of this, then had the nigh-disgraceful gall to claim the attacks as the modern age's "defining moment." To even suggest that an age and a society could be "defined" by a brutal catastrophe perpetrated against it is appalling. This arrogant sense of bloated patriotism is perhaps the greatest injustice this Government has ever put on public display before, because it is based on collective victimhood. You are not defined by the worst beating you ever took, and it should certainly not define a nation of laws and rights. The Government also knew that they could benefit from the attack, as crises always look good on a government's resume. It was an ideal opportunity to prove to the citizenry that it was still relevant. The sheer number of shallow memes whipped up and introduced into the culture was staggering. Every Congressman near a microphone did his or her best to stoke the American-pride backlash and orchestrate the communal outrage, bundling with it a glut of "traditional" viewpoints and disseminating the whole mouthful through every outlet available. One could not turn on the TV without some Federal employee popping up and bleating the saber-rattling party line, full of abstract anger and frustration but devoid of any substantive facts about what led to the events. This vague-but-adamant esprit de corps went up like a sociological skyscraper. To sell it better the Government tapped into its own "sleeping giant" adage from 50 years ago and gave it new life because they know that consumers cope better with familiarity. Our leaders were ready to be our beacon in the darkness. If you need further proof, please remember that the Department of Health and Human Services allocated money to tell people that repeated viewing of the crash footage could cause depression, the Department of Labor aired public service announcements reminding people that returning to work was the best way to fight terrorism, and the Pledge of Allegiance became mandatory in most public schools (although they do not teach who wrote it, its history, its several revisions, etc. Kids don't need such clutter in their minds, just say the damned words!). Six months later the events have become almost mythical. The attacks are spoken of as if they were some divinely-ordained mystery that we will never fully comprehend. One can see evidence every day of the future zeitgeist forming around us: America will portray itself as a bloodied-but- unbowed tragic figure, forever bearing the wound of the attack. This is a much easier pill to swallow than the truth, which is the all-too-sobering fact that devout followers of an ignorant, unenlightened belief system with a grudge against the modern world were able to get one past us due to sloppiness. The giant was not asleep, he was passed out on the couch in a drunken stupor with his dick in his hand, waking up only to watch Springer and sports. Think about it: the events of September 11 could have been prevented by four people with cans of mace. I will be patriotic when the government does its job. I will wave a flag when the emminently-achievable goal of obliterating the threat of terrorism is carried out. I will recite the Pledge of Allegiance when and the psychotic philosophy behind the mindless hatred of modern society, one mollycoddled and espoused by the state-funded academia that controls American universities, is dragged into the light and vivisected. In closing, here are a few things I will "never forget:" That in the shadow of our darkest hour, the Government spent American tax money to convince us that casual drug use breeds terrorism. That it took less than six months for the issue of individual freedom and responsibility to be relegated to a four-minute debate in the second hour of the Today Show. That the verbal and legal assault on atheists, let alone other non- Christians, continues unabated, and is sanctioned by a growing number of states. That more people die every month because potentially life-saving drugs are held up in the bureaucratic backlog of the FDA than were killed in the attacks. That it is accepted wisdom among academics that the U.S. defending its interests with military force is equivalent to a hate crime, and that this is taught to university students as truth. That the attacks managed to prove beyond a doubt that the mainstream of this country is incapable of getting up from a punch and finishing a fight without first crying, sharing their pain, blaming everything (except the cause) for their problems, holding hands, crying some more, lighting far too many candles, and listening to more country music than any sentient race should be forced to endure. J. |
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