Chapter Eleven: The Prime Derivative So, let me get this straight... And we won the cold war? It's not bad enough we have an inept Orwellian president, but now our Miss America is a gawky toothy June Cleaver/Amanda Bellows Stepford wife wannabe? As Casey Kasem once said: "Ponderous. Fucking ponderous." I went to see the Mr. Show performance out in Boston this week. It was hysterical. They plan on doing more touring, and they have a book coming out. If you get the chance, go see them live. Also took a trip out to the Hudson Valley Garlic Festival in Saugerties, New York. I partook of a serious garlic burger and some pan fried stringbeans smothered in the blessed bulb. There was also garlic ice cream, garlic fudge, and a particularly potent blooming onion in garlic batter, the scent of which threatened to fry more than a few neurons. The highlight of the day was a polka band up on the bandshell performing an full-out oom-pah version of Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" like it was their own. This was National Banned Book Week. The occasion was used as a platform to announce the most recent scientific finding that banning books makes them more popular. Gee, didn't see that coming. Personally, I don't find Banned Book Week nearly as fun as it used to be in the good old days. Of course, there are those who think otherwise. Up until recently I could confidently say that I had never seen a frame of the show Enterprise, nor had I heard the apparently nauseating theme song (although I did hear Voltaire perform a novelty rendition of it). This changed a couple nights ago when I was flipping through channels and saw what I assume were three Vulcans standing in the woods stoically considering eating a deer. Yes, a deer. From here it cut to a small 1950s town that looked like a leftover pre-fab set from Dark Skies. This ordeal lasted about ten seconds before I flipped past it. I've now seen roughly 300 frames of the show, and it was just unbearable. Now, the amateur Trek historian buried deep within me is able to discern that what I saw was either: 1. Vulcans who had gone back in time to 1950s America, or 2. Vulcans who landed on Earth back in the 1950s. Either way, it's been done before and it's a bad idea. That was the whole reason I could not bring myself to watch this show when it first came on. Well, part of the reason. I was still reeling from the one hundred and seventy-plus quality hours of my life I had flushed away watching Voyager. Still, the premise for Enterprise is such a mind-bogglingly bad idea for a show. It rewrites Trek history half a dozen ways by its very nature, and also acts as a severe insult to any true science fiction fan who awaits a decent weekly show to watch. Consider this: At the end of "All Good Things" (ST:tNG) Q told Picard that human kind was poised on the brink of an evolutionary breakthrough that would elevate man to new heights. We had already seen more than one alien race "ascend" into energy beings, and even Wesley had tapped into his little Time God Prodigy powers near the series' end. Four years after this Sisko was living with the "prophets" in the wormhole, undergoing some form of transformation no doubt. So we've got mankind turning into something new and strange, in a galaxy full of things like the Celestial Temple, the Guardian of Forever, the Orb of Time, the Dyson Sphere, the Doomsday Machine (or machines), the little Puppetmaster aliens that were supposedly returning after "Conspiracy," The Traveler, the multi-colored cyber-organic "child" that the Enterprise had, more Q than you can shake a stick at, Negilum, the Nazi planet, the Roman planet, the Gangster planet, the Andromedans, and a slew of other open-ended story threads just ripe for the taking. Where did Apollo go at the end of "Whom Gods Destroy?" What did V'Ger turn into and where did it go? Why did the prophets turn all these powerful orbs loose of "linear" beings? What about the "hidden" aliens who Gary Seven worked for? Space in the Trek universe is apparently full of strange beings, ancient things, and powerful anomalies that have had zero impact on the Federation. Mankind should be out their exploring it. That's what Star Trek should have become: the story of the human race trying to expand into the galaxy while evolving into god-knows-what and coping with phenomena bigger and nastier than they are; exploring humanity's potential on a grand scale in A.E. Van Vogt or Cordwainer Smith style. Instead we get a lame premise for a prequel series, an abandonment of all interesting elements of the Trek universe, and Vulcans running around in the goddamned 1950s oozing out of my TV like a giant poorly-written turd. I wouldn't care so much except that in the eyes of many this rubbish is the supposed figurehead of all forward-thinking science fiction, and that is patently false. Hell, I'll go so far as to say that the last Transformers series was more intellectually stimulating. Fortunately there are plenty of wonderful adventure stories available to sizzle my primative escapist brain. First and foremost right now is the second volume of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen by Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill. For the uninitiated LoEG is a group of victorian characters gathered by British Intelligence to handle unsual cases. It's ranks include Mina Harker, Allan Quartermain, Captain Nemo, Mr. Hyde, and Dr. Griffin the Invisible Man. In volume one they took on an evil doctor with a more-than-passing resembance to Fu Manchu. In volume two they are caught in the Martian invasion of england from War of the Worlds. No explanation can possibly do justice to Alan Moore's masterful script which includes references to just about every victorian, pulp, and folklore character that's existed. I save LoEG for last when reading comics, because afterward I need about an hour of uninterupted web time to read Jess Nevins exhaustive Annotations of the series. I have always considered myself to be rather knowledgeable about literature and victorian pop culture, but I am a blithering sophomore compared to Jevins. The annotations are invaluable. Nevins also has such wonderful reference sites as Fantastic Victoriana (whose Links Page rivals my own), Timely Comics, Pre-War Pulp and Adventure Heroes, a great Quotes page, and annotations to many other comics. This is creative fandom, not obsessive dementia like a wrote about last week. It's not often I get to sing the praises of someone who uses their power (and bandwidth) for good. New Stuff: In a time and place when it's almost too easy to mock that which is just plain stupid, it is refreeshing to find those who can do so with wit and a black heart. I've become hooked on both Joe Bob Briggs Week in Review and Adam Felber's Fanatical Apathy for a regular dosage of barbs. Scientist and science fiction author Robert L. Forward died this past week. As I would have expected, we wrote his own obituary. Grant Morrison has finally posted a new column. I do not know exactly what it's about, but it's fun to read. Typical Morrison. Modern Humorist has posted a chilling accurate preview of the fall TV season. Read it and become afraid. Finally, USA Today (of all papers) had a nice piece about business execs reading Atlas Shrugged. I'm waiting for the usual reactionary letters to the editor. Next Week: Laurie Anderson, Aimee Mann, and Lowell Celebrates Kerouac. Ciao for now. JP |
Eager Anticipations: Dita Von Teese in Playboy The Moebius online series Arzak Rhapsody. (Has anyone heard any more news on this?) The Leonid Meteors Egyptian Exhibit at Boston Science Warren Ellis' Global Frequency The Out of Time exhibit comes to Springfield. A new Nancy Kress novel Tadao Ando Exhibit at Clark Art A new Jonathan Carroll novel. New Discs and/or Tours by The Terrastock Music Festival The Super Mega Fest in Boston Alan Moore's Magic Words A new Walter Jon Williams novel. Another Line of Todd McFarlane/Clive Barker Tortured Souls figures. The SFX Expo in Boston DaVinci Drawings at The MET Apollo 13 in IMAX 3D Conventions 2003: The 2004 World Science Fiction Convention returns to Boston. Currently in My Various Stereos: Porcupine Tree In Absentia Gerard Meridian Brand X Manifest Destiny Lacuna Coil In A Reverie Priam ...3 Distances/Irregular Signs Faith & The Muse Evidence of Heaven Bethany Curve You Brought Us Here The Gathering Mandylion Liz Phair Exile in Guyville Mephisto Walz Thalia Game Theory Tinker to Evers to Chance |
Eager Anticipations: Dita Von Teese in Playboy The Moebius online series Arzak Rhapsody. (Has anyone heard any more news on this?) The Leonid Meteors Egyptian Exhibit at Boston Science Warren Ellis' Global Frequency The Out of Time exhibit comes to Springfield. A new Nancy Kress novel Tadao Ando Exhibit at Clark Art A new Jonathan Carroll novel. New Discs and/or Tours by The Terrastock Music Festival The Super Mega Fest in Boston Alan Moore's Magic Words A new Walter Jon Williams novel. Another Line of Todd McFarlane/Clive Barker Tortured Souls figures. The SFX Expo in Boston DaVinci Drawings at The MET Apollo 13 in IMAX 3D Conventions 2003: The 2004 World Science Fiction Convention returns to Boston. Currently in My Various Stereos: Porcupine Tree In Absentia Gerard Meridian Brand X Manifest Destiny Lacuna Coil In A Reverie Priam ...3 Distances/Irregular Signs Faith & The Muse Evidence of Heaven Bethany Curve You Brought Us Here The Gathering Mandylion Liz Phair Exile in Guyville Mephisto Walz Thalia Game Theory Tinker to Evers to Chance |
Chapter Eleven: The Prime Derivative So, let me get this straight... And we won the cold war? It's not bad enough we have an inept Orwellian president, but now our Miss America is a gawky toothy June Cleaver/Amanda Bellows Stepford wife wannabe? As Casey Kasem once said: "Ponderous. Fucking ponderous." I went to see the Mr. Show performance out in Boston this week. It was hysterical. They plan on doing more touring, and they have a book coming out. If you get the chance, go see them live. Also took a trip out to the Hudson Valley Garlic Festival in Saugerties, New York. I partook of a serious garlic burger and some pan fried stringbeans smothered in the blessed bulb. There was also garlic ice cream, garlic fudge, and a particularly potent blooming onion in garlic batter, the scent of which threatened to fry more than a few neurons. The highlight of the day was a polka band up on the bandshell performing an full-out oom-pah version of Queen's "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" like it was their own. This was National Banned Book Week. The occasion was used as a platform to announce the most recent scientific finding that banning books makes them more popular. Gee, didn't see that coming. Personally, I don't find Banned Book Week nearly as fun as it used to be in the good old days. Of course, there are those who think otherwise. Up until recently I could confidently say that I had never seen a frame of the show Enterprise, nor had I heard the apparently nauseating theme song (although I did hear Voltaire perform a novelty rendition of it). This changed a couple nights ago when I was flipping through channels and saw what I assume were three Vulcans standing in the woods stoically considering eating a deer. Yes, a deer. From here it cut to a small 1950s town that looked like a leftover pre-fab set from Dark Skies. This ordeal lasted about ten seconds before I flipped past it. I've now seen roughly 300 frames of the show, and it was just unbearable. Now, the amateur Trek historian buried deep within me is able to discern that what I saw was either: 1. Vulcans who had gone back in time to 1950s America, or 2. Vulcans who landed on Earth back in the 1950s. Either way, it's been done before and it's a bad idea. That was the whole reason I could not bring myself to watch this show when it first came on. Well, part of the reason. I was still reeling from the one hundred and seventy-plus quality hours of my life I had flushed away watching Voyager. Still, the premise for Enterprise is such a mind-bogglingly bad idea for a show. It rewrites Trek history half a dozen ways by its very nature, and also acts as a severe insult to any true science fiction fan who awaits a decent weekly show to watch. Consider this: At the end of "All Good Things" (ST:tNG) Q told Picard that human kind was poised on the brink of an evolutionary breakthrough that would elevate man to new heights. We had already seen more than one alien race "ascend" into energy beings, and even Wesley had tapped into his little Time God Prodigy powers near the series' end. Four years after this Sisko was living with the "prophets" in the wormhole, undergoing some form of transformation no doubt. So we've got mankind turning into something new and strange, in a galaxy full of things like the Celestial Temple, the Guardian of Forever, the Orb of Time, the Dyson Sphere, the Doomsday Machine (or machines), the little Puppetmaster aliens that were supposedly returning after "Conspiracy," The Traveler, the multi-colored cyber-organic "child" that the Enterprise had, more Q than you can shake a stick at, Negilum, the Nazi planet, the Roman planet, the Gangster planet, the Andromedans, and a slew of other open-ended story threads just ripe for the taking. Where did Apollo go at the end of "Whom Gods Destroy?" What did V'Ger turn into and where did it go? Why did the prophets turn all these powerful orbs loose of "linear" beings? What about the "hidden" aliens who Gary Seven worked for? Space in the Trek universe is apparently full of strange beings, ancient things, and powerful anomalies that have had zero impact on the Federation. Mankind should be out their exploring it. That's what Star Trek should have become: the story of the human race trying to expand into the galaxy while evolving into god-knows-what and coping with phenomena bigger and nastier than they are; exploring humanity's potential on a grand scale in A.E. Van Vogt or Cordwainer Smith style. Instead we get a lame premise for a prequel series, an abandonment of all interesting elements of the Trek universe, and Vulcans running around in the goddamned 1950s oozing out of my TV like a giant poorly-written turd. I wouldn't care so much except that in the eyes of many this rubbish is the supposed figurehead of all forward-thinking science fiction, and that is patently false. Hell, I'll go so far as to say that the last Transformers series was more intellectually stimulating. Fortunately there are plenty of wonderful adventure stories available to sizzle my primative escapist brain. First and foremost right now is the second volume of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen by Alan Moore and Kevin O'Neill. For the uninitiated LoEG is a group of victorian characters gathered by British Intelligence to handle unsual cases. It's ranks include Mina Harker, Allan Quartermain, Captain Nemo, Mr. Hyde, and Dr. Griffin the Invisible Man. In volume one they took on an evil doctor with a more-than-passing resembance to Fu Manchu. In volume two they are caught in the Martian invasion of england from War of the Worlds. No explanation can possibly do justice to Alan Moore's masterful script which includes references to just about every victorian, pulp, and folklore character that's existed. I save LoEG for last when reading comics, because afterward I need about an hour of uninterupted web time to read Jess Nevins exhaustive Annotations of the series. I have always considered myself to be rather knowledgeable about literature and victorian pop culture, but I am a blithering sophomore compared to Jevins. The annotations are invaluable. Nevins also has such wonderful reference sites as Fantastic Victoriana (whose Links Page rivals my own), Timely Comics, Pre-War Pulp and Adventure Heroes, a great Quotes page, and annotations to many other comics. This is creative fandom, not obsessive dementia like a wrote about last week. It's not often I get to sing the praises of someone who uses their power (and bandwidth) for good. New Stuff: In a time and place when it's almost too easy to mock that which is just plain stupid, it is refreeshing to find those who can do so with wit and a black heart. I've become hooked on both Joe Bob Briggs Week in Review and Adam Felber's Fanatical Apathy for a regular dosage of barbs. Scientist and science fiction author Robert L. Forward died this past week. As I would have expected, we wrote his own obituary. Grant Morrison has finally posted a new column. I do not know exactly what it's about, but it's fun to read. Typical Morrison. Modern Humorist has posted a chilling accurate preview of the fall TV season. Read it and become afraid. Finally, USA Today (of all papers) had a nice piece about business execs reading Atlas Shrugged. I'm waiting for the usual reactionary letters to the editor. Next Week: Laurie Anderson, Aimee Mann, and Lowell Celebrates Kerouac. Ciao for now. JP |
