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Chapter One: The Rules. This is the part of the website where I spout off. Such pages are apparently obligatory on all websites as modern mythology dictates that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Rants, diatribes, and other such monologues are fine, provided the author is aware that their viewpoint is irrelevant and has no impact on the life of the reader. For others it acts as a catharsis, which is also fine, as long as the author expects no empathy or accolades of courage from me. We all got issues, we all deal with them. As for me, my aim is far more pedestrian. I am just looking to make some things clear from the get-go. If you are new here and wish to write me, great. I am always looking for extended meaningful dialogues of reasoned discourse with people of all stripes on all subjects. I find such correspondence much fun and partake of it whenever the opportunity arises. I also enjoy criticism and hearing someone's reaction to the things I throw on this site. I do, however, have a few simple rules. These should not be a problem, as they are really just bullet points of common courtesy, things like "please don't shit on the hood of my car," or "I'd rather you didn't dump that bucket of rancid entrails on my girlfriend." That being said, here is a list of things not to send to me: Jokes. Don't get me wrong, I love jokes. I have several well-organized joke and humor sites bookmarked. I check them daily. I have yet to receive a joke via email that I have not already seen somewhere online. Please remember: if you receive a joke, list, or funny picture, chances are everyone you know has also seen it, so there is no point in sending it. This seemingly self-evident kernel of logic escapes most folks. Also, I find humor a sensitive and somewhat subjective issue. The ability to recall and tell good jokes well is a rare and precious trait, and I am fortunate to have so many friends capable of it. Unfortunately most of the material that reaches my inbox comes from people who are not that funny, and simply go through the motions of forwarding any sad-ass tripe that they come across. A lack of witticism does not lessen one as a human being in my eyes; that can only be accomplished by repeatedly sending bad old jokes. The gross number of Osama Bin Laden limericks and song-parodies I have received now equals the amount of anonymous emails informing me how to get a longer, thicker penis. "Amazing" Stories. Now, I make every attempt to avoid idiots in my life, and after years of practice I have managed to keep my interactions with them to a survivable minimum. You wouldn't know this looking at my inbox on some days. Some people read stories about lost children or tear-jerking coincidences and are unnaturally compelled beyond reason to share them with me. By extension this goes for blithe attempts to recruit people for participation is some act (boycotting a company for a day or standing outside with a candle at a certain time are both popular) or drumming up belief in an urban myth (to date, the number of faces reportedly visible in the smoke of the WTC crashes threatens to rival the cover of Sgt. Pepper for largest gathering of pop icons). There are people out there who get off on whipping up big heaping bowls of crap on the Internet and watching it multiply. Good examples are that awful "Bad American" rant attributed to George Carlin (go to georgecarlin.com for his take on it) and the so-called Canadian editorial that was circulated after the attacks. These people enjoy the temporary and anonymous attention, and I know they lie around at night masturbating themselves into unconsciousness at the thought of millions of fingers racing across keyboards spreading their mindless rubbish, knowing that they are making the world a little more mediocre. Morally, this stuff is several magnitudes beneath unsolicited spam, but you have to admire the fine-grain quality of its bullshit. If you insist on distributing such items, at least take the social responsibility of checking the validity of them. If everything I read was true then I would have had a longer, thicker penis years ago. (An aside: There is something rustic and woody about the phrase "longer, thicker penis." Say it out loud. You can almost hear someone like Walter Cronkite or Wilfred Brimley telling you in their fatherly tones how to obtain one.) Chain Letters. Truly the tool of evil. I hear seemingly intelligent adults express outright indignation at the slightest hint of impropriety on the part of elected officials, but they don't bat an eyelash at the concept of facilitating the spread of an estimated three million email chain letters being shuffled around the planet daily. Belief in the validity of chain letters ranks among the most naïve and harmful of traits; the letters themselves clog bandwidth and spread the most insidious falsehoods. Yet people still fire these off to all their friends with the casualness of scratching an itch. The most offensive are the ones disseminating vague, feel-good, life-affirming theistic "hang in there" propoganda. If I sent am e-mail to every christian I know saying "y'know, you really shouldn't believe in God" I would be branded as inconsiderate (to say the least). Chain letters are rude and insulting, often inversely proportionate to the intentions of the sender. I have more respect for a door-to-door evangelist then I do for those who participate in this activity. At least the evangelist has to walk around and make his pitch. Chain letter-junkies just hit "forward" and more ethically bankrupt gargabe gushes into cyberspace. I know the majority of senders mean no harm or offense, but some accountability is needed. The guideline behind each of these rules is simple: if it urges you to "please send this to everyone you know," don't. This stuff is the cholesterol of the Internet. If it could be scrapped from the pipelines, we could all access porn much quicker. Can I get an "Amen?' Feel free to copy this and distribute it to your friends. |
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Observations at a Distance |
Chapter One: The Rules. This is the part of the website where I spout off. Such pages are apparently obligatory on all websites as modern mythology dictates that everyone is entitled to their opinion. Rants, diatribes, and other such monologues are fine, provided the author is aware that their viewpoint is irrelevant and has no impact on the life of the reader. For others it acts as a catharsis, which is also fine, as long as the author expects no empathy or accolades of courage from me. We all got issues, we all deal with them. As for me, my aim is far more pedestrian. I am just looking to make some things clear from the get-go. If you are new here and wish to write me, great. I am always looking for extended meaningful dialogues of reasoned discourse with people of all stripes on all subjects. I find such correspondence much fun and partake of it whenever the opportunity arises. I also enjoy criticism and hearing someone's reaction to the things I throw on this site. I do, however, have a few simple rules. These should not be a problem, as they are really just bullet points of common courtesy, things like "please don't shit on the hood of my car," or "I'd rather you didn't dump that bucket of rancid entrails on my girlfriend." That being said, here is a list of things not to send to me: Jokes. Don't get me wrong, I love jokes. I have several well-organized joke and humor sites bookmarked. I check them daily. I have yet to receive a joke via email that I have not already seen somewhere online. Please remember: if you receive a joke, list, or funny picture, chances are everyone you know has also seen it, so there is no point in sending it. This seemingly self-evident kernel of logic escapes most folks. Also, I find humor a sensitive and somewhat subjective issue. The ability to recall and tell good jokes well is a rare and precious trait, and I am fortunate to have so many friends capable of it. Unfortunately most of the material that reaches my inbox comes from people who are not that funny, and simply go through the motions of forwarding any sad-ass tripe that they come across. A lack of witticism does not lessen one as a human being in my eyes; that can only be accomplished by repeatedly sending bad old jokes. The gross number of Osama Bin Laden limericks and song-parodies I have received now equals the amount of anonymous emails informing me how to get a longer, thicker penis. "Amazing" Stories. Now, I make every attempt to avoid idiots in my life, and after years of practice I have managed to keep my interactions with them to a survivable minimum. You wouldn't know this looking at my inbox on some days. Some people read stories about lost children or tear-jerking coincidences and are unnaturally compelled beyond reason to share them with me. By extension this goes for blithe attempts to recruit people for participation is some act (boycotting a company for a day or standing outside with a candle at a certain time are both popular) or drumming up belief in an urban myth (to date, the number of faces reportedly visible in the smoke of the WTC crashes threatens to rival the cover of Sgt. Pepper for largest gathering of pop icons). There are people out there who get off on whipping up big heaping bowls of crap on the Internet and watching it multiply. Good examples are that awful "Bad American" rant attributed to George Carlin (go to georgecarlin.com for his take on it) and the so-called Canadian editorial that was circulated after the attacks. These people enjoy the temporary and anonymous attention, and I know they lie around at night masturbating themselves into unconsciousness at the thought of millions of fingers racing across keyboards spreading their mindless rubbish, knowing that they are making the world a little more mediocre. Morally, this stuff is several magnitudes beneath unsolicited spam, but you have to admire the fine-grain quality of its bullshit. If you insist on distributing such items, at least take the social responsibility of checking the validity of them. If everything I read was true then I would have had a longer, thicker penis years ago. (An aside: There is something rustic and woody about the phrase "longer, thicker penis." Say it out loud. You can almost hear someone like Walter Cronkite or Wilfred Brimley telling you in their fatherly tones how to obtain one.) Chain Letters. Truly the tool of evil. I hear seemingly intelligent adults express outright indignation at the slightest hint of impropriety on the part of elected officials, but they don't bat an eyelash at the concept of facilitating the spread of an estimated three million email chain letters being shuffled around the planet daily. Belief in the validity of chain letters ranks among the most naïve and harmful of traits; the letters themselves clog bandwidth and spread the most insidious falsehoods. Yet people still fire these off to all their friends with the casualness of scratching an itch. The most offensive are the ones disseminating vague, feel-good, life-affirming theistic "hang in there" propoganda. If I sent am e-mail to every christian I know saying "y'know, you really shouldn't believe in God" I would be branded as inconsiderate (to say the least). Chain letters are rude and insulting, often inversely proportionate to the intentions of the sender. I have more respect for a door-to-door evangelist then I do for those who participate in this activity. At least the evangelist has to walk around and make his pitch. Chain letter-junkies just hit "forward" and more ethically bankrupt gargabe gushes into cyberspace. I know the majority of senders mean no harm or offense, but some accountability is needed. The guideline behind each of these rules is simple: if it urges you to "please send this to everyone you know," don't. This stuff is the cholesterol of the Internet. If it could be scrapped from the pipelines, we could all access porn much quicker. Can I get an "Amen?' Feel free to copy this and distribute it to your friends. |
More on Internet Behavior, Bad Email manners, and other common offenses: |
Check out urban legends before you forward them: |
